I have the sweetest anons tonight. Whoever you (or all of you) are, thank you for putting smiles on my face. :)

Seriously considering changing my url. I’d keep a similar theme, though, because I know a few people know me as “Dream”. :P Thoughts?

I don’t know when to shut up. I don’t know when it would be better to fold and quietly slink away. I’m always pushing, always speaking my piece, even if it is on here, my escape. I write so much of myself into the open because I see it as a form of honesty, of being true to myself and my emotions just as much as my mind.

You probably won’t read these words, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry to you, and I’m sorry to everyone that enters my life, because they never, ever get to leave. I know that is my undoing. I designed myself to live on page as deeply as I do walking the world, and it is beyond hope of reversal.

I am so sorry, but this is the curse of entering my life. Every impression, every important moment you share with me, good or bad, is frozen in amber. If you would rather walk away, I understand.

Humanity is such a mystery to me. For a fleeting moment, I grab one of you and think “Aha, I’ve pegged you now! I know why you do the things you do, where your heart truly lies!” and then you go and change the rules you set yourself.

It’s like grabbing at fog. You sift and coil from my grasp and leaving these shaking hands emptier than ever before.

I hate that I love some of you, but I feel so blessed to be treated unfairly by others. Some of you radiate hope and good-will, and others are cynical and brash, but endlessly endearing. There is something I cherish in all of you. What awful, beautiful things you dancers do to me upon this darkened stage! What grace and poetry lies in the common actions and reactions you siphon through, day by passing day!

I surrender myself to unknowing. I will never comprehend you, and there is a glory in that. I can never write any one of you from my life, never banish you from the unpenned pages of the future. You are forget-me-nots, budding, growing towards the sun, hungry for the feast of experiences the light of day provides.

What beautiful mysteries you are.

This is my blog. This is where I go to write about my life and anything that happens in it. This stupid little website is my escape for all the thoughts I can never directly share. If you think it’s about you, that’s cool, but that doesn’t automatically mean it is, nor does that mean I completely mean the words I’m saying.

Yes, this blog is public. Yes, people read it. But I almost never name names, and I never refer to direct incidents without good reason.

I know having a blog isn’t that meaningful to most people, and you most likely look down upon the things I say here, but I don’t care. This is one of the truest parts of me, one of the rawest fucking avenues of expression I have in this world, and it helps me deal with all the shit I deal with on a daily basis. It helps me fight through panic attacks, it helps me to overcome hatred, celebrate happiness, and accept loss.

If you can’t handle what I write, leave me the fuck alone. I’m done giving myself up to satisfy people who don’t care as much about me. I’ve met a lot of people in this earth who will accept me and understand me, and I think I’d rather waste time with them.

I hate hate hate hate taking pills.

What tragedy lies in how dependent our souls become to fresh and potent bliss, and the terrible aches we must endure in its subsequent, inevitable absence.

And yet. 

I feel your smile, dear lady, in every shade of red

though, beside me, you no longer rest your head

I long to hear your voice again, or walk a park with you

Beneath maple trees, my pet, we could compare the hue

of autumn leaves to the wind-borne strands of your hair

but even in this dream of mine, fate will not treat us fair

and though our love shone purer than a fairy tale

your absence now hammers truth in like a nail

You are no phoenix, but cancer made you burn

I watch over your ashes, but you shall not return

retardedmath:

A sneak peek of the new page!

I always have trouble with drawing characters from the side. (especially characters who I haven’t drawn often.)

If all goes well, the new page will be out by the end of the week! :D

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but I co-write a webcomic with one of my best friends, Anthony, who is responsible for all the gorgeous art contained within. We’re getting close to finishing what is hands down the best page of the comic to date. The comic is full of dark and low-key humour, but we’ve got amazing characters and a killer story. You should check out the site (retardedmath.com) and let us know what you think. :)

(DISCLAIMER: When introducing people to the comic, we’ve noticed a few people are bothered by the name, which is understandable. But if you get to know the comic on its own terms, hopefully you’ll understand the name.)